Deliberate acts

Believe me when I say
that I try
I really do try
to not cross your path
in very deliberate ways
to not create facts
from which to go astray
You are there
and you are perfect
so how can I resist
not turning around
every so often
to catch a glimpse
of you amidst
all the common
and the mundane
when even far away from you
your presence resists the fade

I am not me

My skin is tight
underneath it
my blood is boiling
I am not me
I am tension
no amount of stretching
will alleviate me

My chest is small
underneath it
my heart too big

I am not me
I am Anxious
I am Sadness
I am sanctioned
to swallow this burden down deep

I know when the beast
wants me to doubt
things about
who I am

There is no fighting
this son of sam
this dark fog
this lead vest on my chest

I am not me
I dont know who I am

Cardiac Arrest

oh my heart
how fickle you are
how indecisive and explosive
when you see something you want
how exasperatingly exhausting you are
my heart, my fickle heart
how rude you are
how quick to dismiss all the love
that he wishes to give to thee
and without sympathy
you turn him down
and cast him away
to the lost and found
Heart, how sick you are!
when you dream of stars
and stars so far
that you'll never reach them
oh my heart, my fickle heart
how hard you pump
with no where to go

Heart sick

This morning again, you
with your taunting and your teasing
your awful, wicked, way of leading
me into a vortex of despair
for your lips I can not kiss
nor feel the thickness of your hair

Why must you haunt me
starting with the morning
and continuing throughout the day
like metabolism accelerated
through fear caused by a foray

You make me want to smoke

Every morning my heart pounds and pines
pines and pounds for you my love, my love, my fleeting love
My indifferent love, with your sideways glances
how fearful you have become of all the chances
I've given you to speak and seek me out

without a doubt my frustration is building
with your hopeless, endearing, nonchalance
I swear to this love
you make me want to smoke
and on the acrid taste choke
because i'd rather hurt myself
than see you with someone else

Every morning I talk the walk
Walk the talk I never do my love, my love, my seething love
My indifferent love, how you hurt me so
and without even knowing
oh how you keep me glowing and wanting more and more and ever more

Oh my stars, how you make me want to smoke!
and on the acrid tast choke
because I'd rather kill myself
than see you with someone else

Focus

Last night, all night long
I thought of you
In my heart, a sad, sad song

How sick my heart is
since you've come into my days
the world could break away
and i would still center on you

But on the days in which
we do not cross paths
I return to the facts
to calculate the exact moment
in which we came to focus

How hopeless
my situation has become
for this love has my life undone

My life...as usual

It is my burden, this
to carry the excess
It has been forever now
that I know nothing of
what it's like
to be sought after
or liked
or taken in a serious manner
for I have never been flattered
in the way women of my age
usually are with their
red lips and sun kissed hair
for I have neither of those two things
No wit or charm to compensate either
Many say im nothing more than a bother
Fine by me....just let me be
I dont seek you or you attention
so its not even worth the mention